Albatross

Why do everything when you can do nothing?
What is the point of activity?
It's under control or it's not.
What's the difference?
In the end? What means it?
Who is it for?
Still.
The rest is silence (?)

Who Do You Think You Are

I'd never seen him like that.

We'd spent a fair bit of time together one way and another up to that point, shared some good times, some bad times, some trying times, but I'd never seen him like that.

He was mostly good with people, patient (too patient), kind, caring (of course, you know that), he made time for people, he listened, he explained - and he forgave of course.

Yes, he got exasperated and he could be forceful, sharp, when he needed to be and he even got a bit cunning on occasion. And he could make his point. I remember after the mountain thing he tore Peter off a right strip - I was never sure exactly why, I think I missed something - but even then he was in complete control of himself.

And sometimes when you thought he'd be right angry he was only a bit sad and disappointed. He was sad sometimes, and tired and frustrated and maybe a bit short but we'd had some laughs too along the way, specially when he told his funny stories. (Some of them weren't so funny when you thought about them, mind.)

And he'd coped with the confrontations and the accusations and the put-downs and the plain lies.

Anyway, this time -

He lost it.

I mean, he really lost it. Completely and utterly. I'd never seen him like that.

It was only a few minutes, but it's stayed with me.

It was near the end and he went into the temple and he saw what was going on and he went berserk.

He was like a wild beast. He went for the nearest table and gave one heave and upended it just like that and all the money went all over the floor and out the door and they were all scrabbling about for it. Someone came up to remonstrate with him and I thought he was going to flatten him but he just pushed him over and carried on, smashing the place up.

We were even going to say something but he turned round and looked at us, just for an instant, that's all, and we froze.

His look stopped us dead. That, and his words - he was roaring, barely coherent - but something about we were all thieves and could we not keep one place holy, just one, and I felt like I was guilty along with all the rest - but I wasn't was I? I'd never seen him like that. And I don't want to see it again, ever, but I can't forget it.

And in a moment the energy went out of him, not surprising, suddenly he realised where he was, I suppose, and he just walked out and we followed him. We gave him a couple of minutes, just in case.

And then we tried to understand.

I got it, I think, eventually.

He could cope, more or less, with the day-to-day stupidity and ignorance and the pettiness and selfishness of us all, yes me too, but the thing that sent him over the top was the deliberateness, the knowingness of it. It was like a defiance.

I think something happened to him from it - it seemed to give him the last bit of determination that maybe he needed that week.

But anyway from that few minutes, I think I learned something I hadn't really worked out before. I understood now about floods and plagues and fires and exiles. I understood that God could get angry.

And I never want to see that again.

Silence is Golden

Speech is only silver.

















The more words you use, the less you say.

Hymn

Give us this day all that you showed me.
The power and the glory
till my kingdom comes.

Give me all the storybook told me
The faith and the glory
till my kingdom comes.

And they said that in our time all that's good will fall from grace.
Even saints would turn their face in our time.
And they told us that in our days
Different words said in different ways
Have other meanings from he who says in out time:

Give us this day all that you showed me

And they said that in our time we would reap from their legacy
We would learn from what they had seen in our time.
And they told us that in our days
We would know what was high on high
We would follow and not defy in our time.

Give us this day all that you showed me

Faithless in faith
we must behold the things we see.
Give us this day all that you showed me . . .

Cross/Cann/Currie/Ure

Go Wild in the Country

(observ8n)

i c u
i .
u c me
u .
we . . .
u x no me
i wil x hrt u
.
u r cool
u rn & jmp
ur frenz r ther
find cheez

bye

Don't Make Promises (You Can't Keep)

1000 years of monasticism.
500 years of paternalism.
200 years of Dissent.
A decade of evangelism.

20 years of incomprehension.
20 years of blindness.
10 years of wilful blindness.
30 years of avoidance.
15 years of dementia and false hope.
How many years of terminal decline?

The Song Remains the Same

In the absence of winning a ticket to the real thing, went last night to see Whole Lotta Led at the Fleece. (Still might win a ticket?)

The vocalist was not Robert Plant, and didn't quite have his vocal range - but he had his style and his heart and he sang blues and rock with passion and power. 9/10. Since I've Been Loving You was fantastic.

The bassist played a wonderful No Quarter and the drummer played Moby Dick like you've never seen. He could have played all night, and I think he wanted too. Both 9/10. Maybe that's harsh.

But the guitarist was astonishing. No-one is Jimmy Page, but this is as near as you could want. He was ferocious, tender and exciting. The players may change but the song remains the same. Off the scale.

And if the song is good enough and still relevant, the song can remain the same. Only if the song is dated does it need to change. But which songs should remain the same and which need a new riff? A 12-inch remix? A live version? (We can always use a live version.)

No D'yerMak'er, alas. To lament it would be to quibble, to ask too much.

Everything that's small has to grow. And it has to grow!

Thoughts For the Eve of Ascension Day

The disciples did not know it until the next morning, but today is the day of closure before the start of the next phase. The waiting is finished, the unknowing and unknowable preparation has been done, the spaces are all filled. Even the i's are dotted (forgive the obtrusion). The resolution may be unexpected and shocking to some but it is resolved. Some will be happy, some will be perplexed, some are uncomfortable and inevitably some will misinterpret. How long was it before someone asked "did he really go to heaven?". Not long, I think. And then "did he come from heaven?" And then, and then .. and then the theologians got going.

No matter. The Rubicon is crossed. The gammon is averted. The study is closed. Not resignation, but a new game. The best one in town.

I have seen the sheepdogs learning new tricks.

Pain and Healing

It is too easy to write comforting words about healing. Anyone can write a cosy 15-minute sermon about the story in John's Gospel of Jesus healing the man at the poolside. Wrap it up in a comforting theology.

That gives the impression that healing is always available; that Jesus is there with a sticking plaster to make it all well again. Well of course he is available, but sometimes the sticking plaster is not the right treatment. To assume this is to assume that healing is always the correct answer, that it is natural for humans to feel whole. That not being healed is due to lack of faith, or worse.

But it is human to feel pain and to continually experience it. And although it is tempting, attractive, to want to cure the pain, it is necessary sometimes to face the pain, to endure it, to live it. We develop all sorts of strategies to deal with pain. We distract ourselves, we deny it, we suppress it, we ignore it. But it is still there. So sometimes we face it. And to re-examine old pains, of bereavement, of loss, of rejection is also sometimes necessary - for although they (appear to) fade they do not go away.

So when someone tells you their pain, do not try to cure it. Just listen to it and share the dark place, and feel privileged that they have chosen you. And when you have your pain, do not look for solutions and potions. But find a friend who will share it with you, who will not ask anything of you, who will not try to do anything to you, who will not be embarrassed if you cry, or rage, or sigh, but who will affirm you in your pain. And value that friend.

And remember that pain brings growth and that growth is always painful.

Personality Crisis (The New York Dolls)

When you go down the rabbit hole you come back a different person. Alice knows that and so does Grace.
But do you come back ten feet small or ten inches tall?
And does it matter?

Mixed Messages

If the church you're in starts singing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

With apologies to Roger Waters

Dangerous Element

No-one ever shouts Water! Earth! Air!

Fire!

That's the destructive one. So a flash flood or a mud slide can be massively destructive but they follow the geography. The fire will burn whatever it finds in any direction. The air must be polluted or thin to be a hazard - pure oxygen is dangerous because of the fire hazard. In a tunnel, the fire is the most dangerous, creating choking smoke and forcing you away.

The blonde may be glamorous and the brunette sultry, but the redhead is fiery and that's her attraction.

Rivers are watchable when they are gentle and babbling, air when it is fluffy clouds and rustling in the trees and earth - when it's a placid pasture? But fire is more exciting and fascinating the more out of control it gets.

The Holy Spirit came in tongues of fire.

We splash about in the water, we take the air for granted, we might have a mud-fight when we're small, but we all love playing with fire.

Flaming Effervescence
Igniting Iridescence
Rock'n'roll Radiance
Emerging Evanescence.

It's Oh So Quiet

Come on, you didn't really think so, did you?

If I appear to have been quiet recently, you haven't been in my car. I was suddenly struck by the number of magazines there are now for metalheads. There used to be just Kerrang! and Metal Hammer, but now there's Terrorizer, Powerplay, er, Rock Sound and there's even some coverage in Classic Rock, and I think I've missed one even so. This is a whole subculture. And I want to explore and see what I like.

So I've been playing the free CDs you get from these mags in my car. Loud. Including Norwegian and Finnish, thrashpunk, sleaze, metalcore, emo, stoner, sub-genres and sub-sub-genres, from guys who stand around a lot wearing black and looking broody, and not a few who look like they need a hot meal and a bath (that's the girls).

There used to be Anthrax and Slayer but they're a bit touchy-feely these days.

Alexisonfire, Dimmu Borgir, Dark Tranquility, Dead Man in Reno, Wednesday 13, The Poodles (er how did they get in?), Draconian, - you get the idea.

Now some of it (well quite a lot of it, actually) still sounds like screaming over noise, but there's quite a lot of decent stuff.

Anyway the results should be coming to a CD near you soon.

Sitting in My Cell

I've been reading about the desert fathers at someone's suggestion.

I do like the story about Abba Ammonas and the monk of evil repute. But I may have attention deficit disorder. However I think I may be able to take no account of the scorn of men nor their praises. I have to go back to my cell.

Affirmation and Challenge

I've been reminded why I am a Methodist. It's the strength and vitality given by Local Preachers.

Ralph came today and preached about prayer. He quoted Thomas a Kempes and Karl Barth and then told us in funny stories and words of one syllable what they meant. Five types of prayer which you can remember by looking at your hand.

Thumb reminds you of Thanksgiving you should offer
Forefinger reminds you of the Forgiveness you need
Inner finger reminds you of Intercession
Ring finger reminds you to ask Requests
Little finger reminds you to Listen.

Prayer is the relationship between man's impotence and God's omnipotence.
When Karl Barth was asked to sum up his faith he said "Jesus loves me this I know because the Bible tells me so".

God sometimes says "yes", sometimes "no" and sometimes "wait".

Ask the right question. Don't ask "Can I smoke while praying?", ask "Can I pray while smoking?"

And plenty more, but I shouldn't quote the whole thing (as if I could, the quantity of theology contained was fantastic) so Ralph can preach it again.

But the main thing was that it was all real. Even the speed prayer. (Short is good.)

The Answer

Have you ever felt your energy being drained away?

This month's Spirit and Destiny is what you need. There's an article on spirit possession - but this can be performed by the living; someone who stalks you psychically as a negative thought form. Usually these are people trying to use your energy because of the problems they have, if I understand this right (I haven't got onto a training course yet).

Symptoms are:
Unexplained lethargy
Out-of-character behaviour, thoughts and emotions
Depression-like symptoms
Unexplained suicidal thoughts.

If you have these, consult your doctor and ask to be referred to the Spirit Release Foundation for spirit release therapy. Several NHS psychiatrists are actively involved in this area and some GPs will be open enough to recognise the symptoms and appropriate treatment. Most referrals still have to come from people reading about it in the media, however.

Well with three out of four (I don't have the last one, but the first one is particularly strong) it's worth thinking about. I think I know who it may be. I have to imagine mirrored glass walls reflecting their negative energy back onto them. I'll let you know how it goes.

On to more positive thoughts with some spells .
To help you feel less stressed about your exams, you need a yellow candle. Light it while studying.
To counter a run of bad luck, stand a black candle in a cauldron of water and as the candle burns down to the water level and goes out, so your trouble runs into the water, which you can throw away. Sorted.

Looking ahead, March 3 is a brilliant day to reassess your life (lunar eclipse in Virgo). Hmm. I hope it's more than just an exercise plan, though.

Proverbs

The kisses of an enemy may be profuse, but faithful are the wounds of a friend. (27:6)

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend sorings from his counsel (27:9)

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (27:17)

The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice (12:15)

Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice (13:10)

Syllogism

This is the other thing I got from my Quiet Day.

To Know Him Is To Love Him. (The Crystals? The Ronettes?)

To Seek Him Is To Know Him. (How (not) to Speak About God)

Therefore:

To Seek Him Is To Love Him.

Discipleship.

Reflections

I've been Quiet today.

All right, I know you won't believe me. But I've been at least Relatively Quiet. (OK, OK Slightly Less Noisy.) I can be quiet when I want to be. And sometimes when I'm told to.

Anyway, I've had a quiet think, a wander, a bit of a read, a gentle conversation and a ruminative chat in sunny cold Cheddar. A good day. Of course, any day ... I won't go there. I'm in too good a mood.

What did we think about?

The Why You Are, The Who You Are, and The Where You Are (I did skip the last bit.)

It does always help your mood when the leader presents opinions with which you are in sympathy. On the topic of ministry, we thought about what picture a pastor (carefully used term, here) can present of themself. And that it does not have to be one of aloofness, it can include vulnerability, imperfection and even a certain amount of er, ridicule isn't quite right but along those lines eg if you make a fool of yourself, you can admit it, it's OK.

I think that's right. There are times to be cool and collected, when you can and must hold yourself in when no-one else can, and there are times to show emotion - I prefer the term passionate to emotional, though. And even though a pastor should always be disinterested (never uninterested) that doesn't imply dispassionate.

It was pointed out that this may not be exactly mainstream theological college teaching.

Whatever.

I don't know if I've put this quite right, but hey.

Johnny Cash, Theologian

He has a particular view of the apocalypse, apparently. The Bible is received and meditated upon.

The Man in Black comes around.