The R-word

The most feared word in magazine publishing, at least according to the film "13 Going on 30". So we won't even whisper it. We just do it. Seems the time for it (probably should have been done long ago).

Hanging on the Telephone

The telephone is ringing off the hook with calls from beautiful blondes, and when it's not then I'm calling out, selecting from options, being re-routed to the person who actually knows something (sometimes) or can do something (less often) or can actually sort out the problems caused by other people (very rare). It takes three or more goes of course before someone answers and even then "your call is very important to us" well why don't you bloody answer it then is the sort of response you might give "our lines are very busy" I'm not surprised with the standard of service you generally get.

I've been threatened with debt recovery procedures by npower, Darlington Borough Council and Carlyle Finance, notwithstanding the fact that the first two of these don't actually know how much I owe them (or indeed whether they in fact owe me) and the last has a different figure to me and can't explain why in a way that I can understand. Certainly none of them can provide accurate statements of account, invoices, receipts or any of the documentation that you might expect from a company that knows what it's doing day-to-day. Oh and Angela had a letter threatening to cut off the gas, don't know who that's from, but it's because they can't get the address right or realise that sometimes people move house (I'm not making this up).

In addition there's the banks. There was a man (true story, this, it was on Radio 4 and everything) who got so pissed off with the Yorkshire Bank that he changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank Are Fascist Bastards plc and got it put on his Yorkshire Bank cheque book. He was wrong, of course, in that he should have changed his name to All Banks are Fascist Bastards plc especially Northern Rock (and you'd think they were into customer service lately having made all our shares worthless through unadulterated greed). When they realise what a balls-up they've made of everything, who ends up bailing them out? You and me. It's enough to make you go back to keeping it in a sock under your bed, at least it might be safer there. So the rules on mortgages have all been switched even when you've been promised that everything will work out. The canard that the banks are there to help the customer (and it looks like it is all banks) has been well and truly found out.

Anyway back to the telephone. Most of the time you get through to a very nice Customer Service Assistant who explains very politely that no he/she can't do anything about it, the computer's in charge and he/she can't override it, but he/she can explain exactly what the computer is thinking (no-one else there does any, obviously) and if you're lucky he/she says "oh don't worry about the gas getting cut off" which is all very well for him/her and James in fact couldn't say that this time despite what the previous girl (Fiona?) had said last month. So you have to do their work for them because clearly they can't get anyone to read the meter (they're all on the phone instead) but 250 miles is quite a long way to go just for that.

To be fair to Darlington Borough Council and their James (there's two, keep up) he did phone back with a much reduced figure which might even be claimable back at some unspecified point in the future (still no invoice, but hey I can get a receipt) and even Alison is a person in her own right who can make arrangements on the spot and is not a mouthpiece for the computer, even if letters arrive somewhat unexpectedly when you thought a Direct Debit would naturally keep things under control. (I'm still waiting for an invoice from Social Services which doesn't seem to be forthcoming.) On the other hand, to sort anything out you have to speak to a minimum of three different people in three different offices with different phone numbers (and not the one they tell you to ring on the letter) because they don't communicate with each other. It's called division of responsibilities, at least that's the polite name for it.

And I still have to ring back the Management Officer of Rockwell House (promise unfulfilled) - so that I can ring npower and go round that loop again - and Carlyle Finance haven't come up with a receipt to show that yes it is all paid off despite the best efforts of Northern Rock. Oh and where's my cheque from BT? (This time I do have a letter saying they owe me, strewth, talk about small mercies.) So it's back to more Vivaldi how much can one man write?

Hymn

Give us this day all that you showed me.
The power and the glory
till my kingdom comes.

Give me all the storybook told me
The faith and the glory
till my kingdom comes.

And they said that in our time all that's good will fall from grace.
Even saints would turn their face in our time.
And they told us that in our days
Different words said in different ways
Have other meanings from he who says in out time:

Give us this day all that you showed me

And they said that in our time we would reap from their legacy
We would learn from what they had seen in our time.
And they told us that in our days
We would know what was high on high
We would follow and not defy in our time.

Give us this day all that you showed me

Faithless in faith
we must behold the things we see.
Give us this day all that you showed me . . .

Cross/Cann/Currie/Ure

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

There used to be an old military joke:

Q: What's the most dangerous situation you can face?
A: An officer with a map.

The modern civilian equivalent:

Q: What's the most dangerous thing on the road?
A: A lorry with a sat-nav.

Do You Feel Like We Do?

I'm feeling vibrant today. This is a good thing. We should all feel vibrant and we should be vibrant in what we do. I hope you are all vibrant and that the things around you and the places you go are vibrant.

I hope that you know when you are vibrant and when the things around you are not vibrant and that you can be vibrant despite not everything being vibrant and that you can help everything to be vibrant because then everything will be all right.

And when you know that you are vibrant please find out what it means to be vibrant and why that is not just the same as thrilling (which is the poor old dictionary's best attempt, unless you want to feel resonant or vibrating, which I think are completely different things) and then be sure that you want to be thrilled all the time and not be old and tired once in a while.

And then come and tell me - but when trying to tell me what vibrant means you are not allowed to use words that don't mean anything or mean all different things to all different people.

It's All In the Game

Time to catch up on three more results before the final game of the season on Tuesday.

Blundering a pawn on move 11 is not the best thing to do. However I get a surprising amount of counterplay and the basis of an attack. The Draw Specialist does what he does best. Has to be said that the opponent was a bit cautious.

Winning a pawn is much better. What was supposed, after 1. c4, to be a quiet strategic game turns into into a wild tactical melee in the centre of the board with his knights dodging all over the central files and me giving myself a backward e-pawn in a desperate attempt to avoid a crushing attack down the e- and f-files. Well in the end it looks to me like I can take his weak central pawn and if he can see better through it than I can he deserves to win. But he can't. So a pawn up in the centre of the board - force the queens and knights off (OK not quite forced but awkward to avoid) to a rook ending. But all rook endings are drawn? Not this one. Carefully advance the backward pawn till it is the front one, swop off to make it passed, the rooks come off and the king is far enough forward so that the opposition makes the win. Job done. Pity that we still lost the match 2.5 to 3.5.

And then one that really is a positional game. Good for the Chigorin Defence to the Queen's Gambit. The key move, the winning move is 5 ... B x f3 - because he gets a doubled pawn. So that when we get to a same-bishop endgame my 3v2 on the Q-side is mobile and his 4v3 on the kingside is crippled - not helped by the fact that all through I have slightly had a lead in development which turns into initiative which turns into a king slightly further up the board. Finally with the threats available (good old Nimzovitch, a threat is stronger than its execution) 3v2 becomes 1v0 and 4v3 gets completely stopped on the same colour the bishops are on. And one drops off and even though the bishop looks trapped, there's a safe maneouvre to get it out and the when the bishops are forced off the king has to take the outside passed pawn which leaves me enough time to take all his. Always put your pawns on the opposite colour square to your bishop. My word, two wins in a row. +4 in division 2 and +2 in division 4.

The Visitors

Since we got a name-check on Ruby's blog, I thought I should finally add the link that I've been meaning to do for ages.