My Day in Court

... was a bit frustrating, though educational. Actually, it was only a morning.

I can't say anything about the case which was the reason for my attending, or why I didn't get to see any of it, or why it was only a morning. But some things can be said.

If the mills of God grind exceeding slow, then the courts of the UK can, on occasion, run them close.
This is not due to a lack of professionalism on the part of the court staff. In fact, it is in large part their professionalism, and their concern for interests of justice, which causes the slowness. And I can't explain that without referring to the case. In fact all the staff seem very professional, efficient and creative. Goodness knows what the courts would be like without that.

And I did see part of a case which had run very fast.

And maybe I'll get to find out the result of the case at some point in the future. I hope so, as it is an important case.

Oh yes, it was a Magistrate's Court.

Hours aka What Happened to the Blog?

Monday 20th: 5.5 + 5
Tuesday 21st: 10.5 + 3
Wednesday 22nd: 17.5
Thursday 23rd: 5.5
Friday 24th - Monday 27th: (78) + 4.5
Tuesday 28th: 9.5 + 2.75
Wednesday 29th: 13

The Examination

Bad News: I have an examination upcoming.
Good News: I still have a week to prepare.
Bad News: I have a lot else to do in that week.
Good News: Some of it can be delayed till later.
Bad News: Examinations are harder as you get older.
Good News: This examination only has one question.
Better News: The question is given to you in advance.
Bad News: It is a difficult question.
Good News: I think I understand it.
Bad News: There is a time limit.
Worse News: There are no re-sits.
Much Better News: There is more than one right answer.
Bad News: There are several wrong answers.
Good News: The examiner likes me.
Bad News: That is not enough.
Good News: I think I know the answer.

Conclusion: The jury is out.

In a State

Palms sweating
Head spinning
Shaking uncontrollably, all over.

I cannot concentrate or focus, I am totally bewildered, I see everything and nothing.
The clock spins round in the stillness.

Words flow past me, but I cannot capture them. They flee faster and faster than I can run, even though I pursue them.

Calm down.
Breathe.
One, two.

It will soon be over, one way or another. I shall be released or damned.

It is essay deadline day.

Madre

This is a prayer for all mothers everywhere, those who want to be mothers, those who expect to be mothers.

For those who find motherhood exciting,
May every day be joyful and bring new riches and challenges.
For those who find motherhood tiring,
May you be daily refreshed and excited.
For those who find motherhood frustrating, unrewarding, dispiriting,
May you see in a new way the days, the hope, the possibility.
For those who find motherhood bewildering,
Take heart for many have gone before you. Be excited. Enjoy the experience.
For those who want to be mothers,
God is looking after you. God bless you. Others feel for you.
For those preparing to be mothers,
Your sisters support you. Be encouraged.
For new mothers,
Feel confident in the support around you. Love and receive love.
For mothers who feel no longer necessary,
Remember what you have given, how you have loved, and help others. Share.
For all of you,
There is always more. May you always feel God close, guiding you, comforting you, holding you.

For those who are not mothers, who do not want to be mothers, who cannot be mothers,
Life is full of richness. May you find it.

This is a poor prayer, but the best I can do.

One year on

It is exactly one year ago that we took Sheba to the vet and didn't bring her home again. We both still miss her dreadfully. We had her for all our married life and Angela a long time before that. She lived with me for a bit too. She used to bark at me when I first met her. Bark and bark and bark. What a lovely dog.

We look for her when we come home. We miss not being followed around. We miss throwing the ball for her and we remember how she barked at the squeaky hedgehog. You get a lot of love from a dog.

The End of Chicken-Little

Chicken-Little had spent some time in the farmyard. He'd learned about pecking and crowing and digging for worms and why all the eggs were brown and he'd even hatched a couple. He'd met some ducks and seen the lake and he felt he'd really grown up. The badger had shown him some new ways of swimming and the silver fox had talked of the past. And the sky hadn't fallen on his head after all.

But the Rooster Council said that he couldn't enter the henhouse because his clucking upset them and his feathers were too shiny but anyway there was always plenty to do in the barn.

Chicken-Little was very sad. But he shook his tail-feathers, changed his name and ran off to join the circus. And he was never heard of again.

Goodnight children.

The Darlington Trip

I've been putting this one off, but I can't do so for ever. And I don't want to write a story this time.

Getting old is no fun. Scratch that - it's better than the alternative, as George Burns said. In any case there's nothing wrong with being old. What's terribly depressing is becoming unable to do the things you used to do.

And watching that happen to somebody is, well I suppose nearly, as bad. Not just because you wonder what will happen to you, but just because it is.

Hopefully there is someone there to take away the pressure of coping with the things you can't do. But it really still won't be enough. It can't be.

And that will have to do for now.

Do you know where you're going to? - Diana Ross

Short naive answer - Ty Mawr.

Longer less naive answer - I know where I'm aiming for but I don't know whether I'll be prevented from getting there and diverted en route. One thing is for sure. I'm on my way to a different place.

Making Progress is ...

400 words.

Morning Trip

From warmth and light
Into cold grey damp
Clunk
Twist
Quiet vibration
Cold face
Hydrocarbon tang
Drums beat, guitars sing
Light up the grey
Dim shapes approach and fade
Flick flick flick
Tick tick tick
Red and white shine
between the green strips
White appears in the gloom
Red fades in the distance
Warmth climbs
Grey ribbon stretches into grey world
Press and an unseen force is pushing
as the lights glow and grow
light and light and white light
redlight, redlight
Chest restrained
and slow and slow and
stillness and a slow crawl
turns into a surge
White and blue is the sign
Red, and gold appears
Green arrow
White reflection
Go and turn
and jolt into silence
Stop and step
into the grey.

Breaking Eggs With a Stick

So let's summarise. I have on my to-do list:

14 books to read
4 or 5 books to analyse
2 services to lead
2 service to jointly prepare
12 portfolios to mark
Indeterminate amount of moderation, probably at the last minute
1 moderation exercise to organise
2 weekends and 1 day away
2 applications to make
2 services to reflect on; 1000 words
1 personal statement to write
4000-word essay to write
1 essay to think about
Indeterminate amount of research to prepare
1 chess competition
1 medical to organise
3 Gridiron games, including coaching and signing free agents
3 roleplaying sessions to lead
Lectures, seminars, placements

Better get started.