Worship dislikes (part one)

This is the same topic as previous posts but now no-one can call me on my language.

I don't like holding bits of paper and books while I'm trying to worship.

1. It restricts my freedom. I can't dance while singing from a book. I can't wave a streamer or shake a tambourine. I can't even clap my hands. I can just about sway in time with the music. If I have to put my reading glasses on to follow the words, everything else in the Church is out of focus; I can't see the imagery, the banners, the preacher/leader is blurred and so are most of the faces of the congregation. I can't close my eyes to concentrate if I have to know when to join in.

I could learn all the words, you say? Yeah right. Hundreds of hymns and choruses and several different liturgies. (Even if they're only slightly different - which is often more trouble; at Wesley we use the modern form of the Lord's Prayer and at Yate the traditional form - and I'm having trouble keeping track of that. I'm often two lines behind. And I know the Lord's Prayer.) I know that in the past, the hymns were written to be learned so that theology could be learned with it. But this is the modern world, to quote The Jam. We have so many other things to learn - and our memories are not as good since we got used to recording things in written form (like blogs). If I'd started twenty years ago to learn words then I might be better now - but then I would have learned old forms that have since been changed. So how much better off I'd be is moot.

2. I don't like reading from books or orders of service. I read at different speeds to others. I never follow the Bible reading in print as I read too fast and finish three verses ahead. On the other hand, as noted in an earlier comment, liturgy is usually said too fast. I need to go at about one third speed to understand the densely packed content. Try understanding a novel by reading one sentence in three. (Yes, repetition helps, but we'll come back to that.)
My butterfly mind won't let me concentrate on what is being said, if I have other words before and after on the page - my eyes flit about.
I notice typos or spelling mistakes on the page (I'm an excellent proof-reader) and it distracts me. I even wonder whether there should be a comma here or a semi-colon there; I'm a big fan of Lynne Truss. (Yes, I'm a pedant and proud of it.)

3. I'm not convinced we're good at corporate reading. Singing at least gives you a tune and thus a tempo. (Think how important that is by remembering the times when an organist played too fast or too slow.) Again, because I'm good at sight-reading I sometimes read (a little) differently to others - I want to put a breath in, or carry on to preserve the meaning of a complex phrase when others pause. Then I'm aware I'm out of phase and have to get back in. If it didn't matter if we finished together that would help - but it wouldn't help others and would embarrass me to finish two minutes later because I want to read it slower.

4. Don't get me started on managing two different hymn books, a written liturgy, an extra song on another sheet, the notices and whatever. So it isn't usually as bad as that but it can be pretty bad sometimes. Do I put one down, trying to keep the page and then fumbling for it (and there's sometimes nowhere to put them except on the floor), do I juggle them, almost literally, holding them all together? And I want to concentrate on the sermon without either balancing things on my knee, trying not to kick what's on the floor, or worrying that my bit of paper has got dropped and has floated three chairs away and how am I going to get it back and does it matter?

Rant over, for now.