Monday, February 19, 2007

Academic Definitions for Postmodern Society

Book: A source of information. Bit like a computer but smaller.

Magazine: A source of gossip. Bit like the internet but much smaller.

Lecture: Like a book but with the interesting bits taken out and idle chit-chat added.

Professor: Someone who has written a book and will read it to you for a fee.

Lecturer: Someone who has read a book and would like to write one.

Associate Lecturer: Someone who has read a book but will never write one.

Assistant Lecturer: Someone who has heard of books.

Guest Lecturer: Someone with a new book out, esp. one not selling well.

Essay: Something copied from a book.

Masters essay: Something copied from three books.

Academic essay: Something copied from a dusty book.

Thesis: Something which everyone pretends is not copied from books.

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