Sex With Prostitutes

I've been thinking about this a bit lately. Shut up at the back. In a theoretical kind of way, OK?

It started with a post on Charity's blog a bit back and then two stories from the media this week.
A biography of Lord Lambton recalls how he resigned from the Cabinet in the 60s for being caught smoking cannabis in bed with two prostitutes. He was interviewed by Robin Day who asked why such a charming man needed to pay for sex and he replied cheekily (something like) "I think every man likes a bit of variety now and then. Don't you?"

The other story was from BBC2 on Tuesday, the programme about Helen House, in which a young man with muscular dystrophy wanted help in getting the services of a sex worker, and a discussion ensued whether his carers should help him in this (including whether it was actually legal).

This might get unfocussed but let's see where we go.

As I tried to say on Charity's blog, I don't think the above men are atypical. I don't say their feelings or behaviour are right, or acceptable, or even to be condoned. But they need to be understood, for they exist, here and now. Further I think, from conversations and reading over the years, they are widespread. Common. A majority. Even the norm (not "normal" for no-one knows what that is).

I don't say whether men's desire for sex is cultural or genetic, for it doesn't matter. It just is. (For argument's sake, it fits with modern culture: everbody wants everything, and they want it now - but I understand there were plenty of prostitutes in Victorian times, at least in the cities, and that was a completely different culture.) It could be because men do want intimacy and love and can't work out what it is or how to get it, or are too out of touch with their feelings (not "feminine side" - it is human to want love, not associated more with one gender than another) or repressed/ashamed to display them and so have to resort to some kind of surrogate.

I do think that appeals to what might be called a "higher plane" - God, spirituality, discipline, whatever, are much less helpful than is proclaimed. You can have all the discipline, faith, reason there is but the feelings don't go away and when the distractions cease - and you can't keep it up 24/7 - they come back stronger than ever. Plenty of Christian men can confirm this. All of them, I reckon.

Now there are clearly some punters who will go to places where women are trafficked and either they don't care, or they can manage to delude themselves - and there's a lot of self-delusion goes on in this area - that the other party is willing. And that needs to be stopped, now. And some just go for the sex. And that you can debate. But some go for what is advertised as "Girl Friend Experience" (GFE), which is not about the sex (mostly, and as far as I can gather generally does not actually include it) but includes eg holding hands and kissing which I understand generally you don't get in the other cases. And some just want to go out to the theatre or dinner with a pretty lady (all right yes it might be just status, but it might not) like you would on a date.

So a lot of men are seeking affection, and taking what they can get, however hollow a substitute it really is - see self-delusion above - and don't really have it.

What do we say to them? Here and now? In practical terms? That will help them tonight?

I shall probably come back to this later, but that's all for now.