It is too easy to write comforting words about healing. Anyone can write a cosy 15-minute sermon about the story in John's Gospel of Jesus healing the man at the poolside. Wrap it up in a comforting theology.
That gives the impression that healing is always available; that Jesus is there with a sticking plaster to make it all well again. Well of course he is available, but sometimes the sticking plaster is not the right treatment. To assume this is to assume that healing is always the correct answer, that it is natural for humans to feel whole. That not being healed is due to lack of faith, or worse.
But it is human to feel pain and to continually experience it. And although it is tempting, attractive, to want to cure the pain, it is necessary sometimes to face the pain, to endure it, to live it. We develop all sorts of strategies to deal with pain. We distract ourselves, we deny it, we suppress it, we ignore it. But it is still there. So sometimes we face it. And to re-examine old pains, of bereavement, of loss, of rejection is also sometimes necessary - for although they (appear to) fade they do not go away.
So when someone tells you their pain, do not try to cure it. Just listen to it and share the dark place, and feel privileged that they have chosen you. And when you have your pain, do not look for solutions and potions. But find a friend who will share it with you, who will not ask anything of you, who will not try to do anything to you, who will not be embarrassed if you cry, or rage, or sigh, but who will affirm you in your pain. And value that friend.
And remember that pain brings growth and that growth is always painful.
That gives the impression that healing is always available; that Jesus is there with a sticking plaster to make it all well again. Well of course he is available, but sometimes the sticking plaster is not the right treatment. To assume this is to assume that healing is always the correct answer, that it is natural for humans to feel whole. That not being healed is due to lack of faith, or worse.
But it is human to feel pain and to continually experience it. And although it is tempting, attractive, to want to cure the pain, it is necessary sometimes to face the pain, to endure it, to live it. We develop all sorts of strategies to deal with pain. We distract ourselves, we deny it, we suppress it, we ignore it. But it is still there. So sometimes we face it. And to re-examine old pains, of bereavement, of loss, of rejection is also sometimes necessary - for although they (appear to) fade they do not go away.
So when someone tells you their pain, do not try to cure it. Just listen to it and share the dark place, and feel privileged that they have chosen you. And when you have your pain, do not look for solutions and potions. But find a friend who will share it with you, who will not ask anything of you, who will not try to do anything to you, who will not be embarrassed if you cry, or rage, or sigh, but who will affirm you in your pain. And value that friend.
And remember that pain brings growth and that growth is always painful.
1 comment:
very well put
I hope you have found that friend
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